Wednesday, 3 February 2016

There is still life in M.E

When I hear of people being diagnosed with M.E I wonder how the diagnosis affects them.  I was relieved by the time diagnosis finally came. I only had to wait 6 months,  compared to years for some,  but it felt like a lifetime and I was grateful to have a name for what I was experiencing.
During the 6 months before diagnosis I looked into every possibility of what it could be. When I first looked up M.E and realised that I fit the bill I was so scared. The prognosis was dire.  There was no cause they knew of,  and consequently,  no cure!  People wrote of how they'd suffered for years.  There was no hope.  I felt dreadful and scared.  I did not want to live like this.  I wanted my life back.  I wanted to run again,  dance again,  be able to sit up again,  walk again,  sleep again, laugh again,  talk to people for longer than 20 minutes again,  think clearly again.  I remember saying desperately 'I can't be like this for years,  I cant'!

I proved myself wrong.  I can! Life changed,  dramatically,  and I mourned my old life. I went through a grieving period,  and then I found that I missed my old life less.  I adjusted to the new me,  my new pain and my new limitations. I found ways to control the illness and I found things I enjoyed doing,  in small doses.  I lost old relationships but I gained new ones,  all the stronger because of a shared life experience. Life for me continued,  albeit differently.
I would tell my old self,  crying at the awful thought of years with ME,  that life is still good!  Happiness,  laughter and good times abound still.  They are found in places that are much more long lasting and deep than where I found them before.